When more than one week passes and I hear nothing from YOU, I feel as if I've done something foul to drive YOU away. When a simple week goes by with no words from your keyboard, I sigh and suppose that your extremely busy life keeps YOU from the computer. When a few days go by without one of your intelligent, heartfelt notes, I feel empty like a chalice with the wine split on the ground, unappreciated and forgotten underfoot. When a single day comes and goes with no kind thoughts or wise comments from YOU, I find that my computer looks "empty" to me, no matter what else fills its small screen. But worst of all, when a few hours pass without some electronically channeled sunshine from your fingertips, I'm the loneliest guy in Manila, the most forlorn soul in Luzon, the saddest person on any side of the Pacific...
Yet, paradoxically, all it takes is the slightest phrase from YOU into my quiet computer for me to transform into the happiest, most cheerful man in all of the world!!! As someone who truly LOVES intelligence, independence of spirit, good humored talk, sincere virtues, witty discourse, passionate openness, fiery affections and cast-iron commitments, I SAVOR GRATEFULLY each and every morsel of your thoughts, as if they had grown on YOU and you'd plucked them especially for me!!!
When I was in China, I've NEVER even once met or talked to another Filipino or another southeast Asian person, apart from the other students in my school. My life has strictly revolved around studying my college, teaching English to my students, encouraging them, listening to their heartaches, going with them to hot springs and trying in every way to be as unobtrusive and courteous as I can. Only when I'm home alone do I have the luxury of thinking and doing and saying what I want.
My life has been intensely rewarding but oddly lonely...until YOU unexpectedly came into my life and began to favor me with your perplexingly worded, always intelligent, betimes humorous, ever fascinating conversations.
My tongue...albeit an electronic voice...fails me whenever I ponder how best to express to YOU the sincerity of my appreciation for your steadiness and loyalty as a friend. Whereas I generally avoid most people due to their mincing flightiness, YOU are a welcome contrast with your more mature, balanced approach to your life. Sure, I easily sense the frustrations and aggravations which hem in your daily life. Being a man in these times can be so aggravating because of the pointlessly cruel prejudices of the ill-informed and the psychological predations of the emotionally stunted. Your poise and courage in the face of such painful irritations, not to mention the complex situations within your family, is a real inspiration to me. As far as I'm concerned, you're a real hero for daily getting up and making the best of your life and never giving in to humanity's darker, more vengeful side.
It especially impresses me that YOU tend to be a resourceful individual, finding ways to cope with the complications of being xxx in a xxx. How I've become so blessed as to count someone as fine of character and as bright of mind as YOU is a continual source of wonder for me!!!
In honor of your faithful friendship to me, here's a terrific old song which
won an Oscar for best song way back in 1954, when Doris Day sang it in "Calamity
Jane". Called "Secret Love", it has a fine melody to complement
the excellent lyrics, which I hope will please YOU...
"SECRET LOVE"
Lyrics by P.F. Webster
Music by S. Fain
"Once I had a secret love,
That lived within the heart of me.
All too soon my secret love,
Became impatient to be free.
So I told a friendly star,
The way that dreamers often do,
Just how wonderful YOU are,
And why I'm so in love with YOU.
Now I shout it from the highest hills,
I even told the golden daffodils.
At last my heart's an open door,
And my secret love's no secret anymore!!!"
There are a few little things about me which may or may not be of interest to YOU. For your better understanding of me, let me tell YOU a little more about the silly preferences which I generally follow, whenever possible... The fact that I tend to like these things DOES NOT at all mean that I dislike other things. It just means that I have a minor natural inclination toward these things...but I hasten to add that I'm always open to new experiences.
**I tend to favor promptness, feeling that time is far more precious than money. People who habitually dawdle cause me discomfort, so I avoid situations where their dawdling might be a problem.
**On the other hand, I nearly always favor slowness over speed in any endeavor, feeling that anything worth doing is worth doing slowly so as to most fully savor the experience. Particularly with regard to good meals, I do not like to eat "fast"...I strongly prefer to fully enjoy each morsel and every sip of the wine. Although I have few experience of having a lover, I'm sure that I would prefer to enjoy long, slow, tender lovemaking to the hurried, frenetic alternative.
**In public settings of any sort, even in small "private" parties or gatherings, I tend to be extraordinarily SHY and BASHFUL. I'm a great believer in public "restraint" or "reserve", preferring to retain all of my considerable energies for more PRIVATE settings with my significant other or very close friends where I can "let go". My tendency toward public reticence has served me very well before in China, where public restraint, such as acrobat exhibits, is highly prized. But fear not, in private, with someone who I like, I can become quite voluble, as the situation warrants.
**Likewise, I'm an especially keen listener. If we should ever have the great pleasure of meeting again in the near future, your words will fall on my attentive ears. Not only do I feel that a would-be gentleman (again, like YOU...) shows respect to others by listening carefully to what they have to say, but he also learns MUCH about life and about the world by letting his friends be his teachers. After all, if they have fine enough characters to be his close friends, they must necessarily possess adequate common sense to also serve as his teachers in the art of good living.
**LOYALTY and COMMITMENT are two words which sound especially sweet in my ear. The atrocious tendency of most Filipino "people" to hop around from bed partner to bed partner like fleas in a brothel is something which I deplore. I'd much rather spend all of my life in solitary pursuits than to cheaply give my heart away to a different person every night. Developing a lasting relationship requires an immense amount of TIME, PATIENCE and WORK...not to mention equal portions of FORGIVENESS and MUTUAL TOLERANCE. This can seemingly only take place where two people take a deep breath, smile at one another, hold hands and pledge to be loyal and committed to one another in spite of whatever momentary "temptations" come along.
**I'm a sentimental, gentle sort. Don't be dismayed by my stature...I always like the softer, kinder, more sensual approach to life, as opposed to the stressful, hard-driving, brutish approach that selfish people seem to wish to inflict on one another. Such events as birthday anniversaries, celebrations of minor personal triumphs and holiday meals all mean a LOT to me. The very thought of someday sharing them with one particular, special person is more appealing to my sentimental side than ten thousand carefully selected words could ever adequately express.
**While I'm telling YOU a lot of my private values, PLEASE DON'T THINK for even a moment that these in any way apply to YOU!!! I'm very careful to distinguish between my own private values and those of all others. I'm not at all the sort of person who seeks to universalize my own inner values to others. Rather, I'm a bit strict on myself, but I do my best to be tolerant and understanding of the differing values of others, particularly where I have a clear notion of the antecedents of their feelings. That is precisely the reason why it is of such great interest for me to know of your background, as it greatly helps me to understand why YOU feel as YOU do about so many things.
**Having lived in China before, a bastion of traditional Chinese values of courtesy, politeness and mutual respect, has reinforced my own pre-existing natural tendency toward well-mannered, courteous behavior. At least at first, I'm rather formal and quietly reserved, which comes from two things: my shyness and my desire to avoid any unintentional cultural faux pas. But, as soon as I can feel that I'm being sincerely welcomed and that there is little danger of rejection or of discrimination against me, then I can rapidly open up and let my heart's abundant inner sunshine out!!!
**At the same time, I am definitely the sort of person who very much like
hugs and physical affection. I detest "hitting, pinching or shoving" others,
preferring a gently affectionate way of relating to others.
**I LOVE the combination of SPONTANEITY and INTELLIGENCE in anything in life. All great art, great songs, great literature, great dances, great food, and even great individual lives seem to have been constructed with equal portions of SPONTANEITY and INTELLIGENCE. So my dream life has been to seek and respond to strains of these two qualities in others. Of course, I recognize that in today's world of money-obsessed, conformist mass consumerism, these qualities are EXTREMELY difficult to find in others. But when they do crop up in someone, I am inevitably delighted.
Well, there YOU have a little symphony of some of my tastes and values. I hope that this was not boring or distasteful to YOU. It's just that I've wanted YOU to know me better, without getting bogged down on such meaningless trifles as "height, age, weight, nationality, blood type, sexual preferences (I have none of those...) or eye color". Thank you so much for your continuing good friendship to me, which means more to me than I can say.
Your Friend, With Gratitude,
Pat