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Dear .You didn't know how much i have loved you.. but
i'm now happy with the fact that you have already
moved on... knowing you is a blessing.. i won't
forget nor have i ever regretted. thank you for
staying with me especially at this lowest point of
my life where everything just don't work out the
way i want and expect.
Well, it had always been this way, and I have
always known it better perhaps that you ever will.
My perception of the world is different from
yours. I don't want to say good bye again. That in
a months time, you have been a part of my life,
and i feel for you what i feel for myself. I know
now how difficult it is to be alone, to be here in
this senseless confine not only of my own being
but of this wretched city, and to know that you
are not here where i can glorify not just in your
nearness but in the thought that you did love me.
And at nights, I lie awake, and i speak your name
as if it were some incantation that would dispel
this loneliness for now. I whisper to this cold,
rusting walls, to the damp cement floor, to the
emptiness around me, but i can hear only the echo
within me and so I wonder how you are,... if you
are happy as i hope you'll be, and i pray that you
be not tormented as i am, that your nights are
slept and your days are bright.
I did not want to write to you. But it is one way
by which i can escape this bleakness which now
encompasses me. Now too, i know how it is to be
what i am and to remember what you are - life
giver, my joy and my sorrow.
You will forget, not because you are young, but
because you are far away, and having forgotten, it
will all be over and you may on some occassion
remember, perhaps, because this is the way things
are and we cannot change them. I don't know if i
will forget; one can never be sure, but i know
that you are my love not because god or a priest
sanctified our union but because this is how i
regard you. But where ever they may be, there will
be a light to guide us, a talsman which will make
me endure and you are all of these.
But above all, you are the proof i will always
hold previous and true. Thank you for being with
me in thought and deed. There are few like you,
comfortable and secure, who have chosen to be with
me; i will doubt them the way i once doubted you
and they must bear the burden of proving
themselves as you have done. Only time will tell,
but time is fickle in a way i never be. Now that
i know who i am, now that i know what to do.
So let me go away loving you, and losing you, for
in the end, we will lose all those we love.
p
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