Twisted Sunshine
Lisa surprised me with a quote few days ago:
"For every gain there must be a loss. For every loss there must be a gain. In order to gain something, one must present something of equal value to be sacrificed. This is the principal of equivalent trade."
It has been quite a while since I last saw her. She was one of the reasons why I got to know the beautiful province of Bicol four years ago.
While thinking about the quote, I happen to remember my past. Flashbacks began to hound me. For I feel that I could have been a better person. That life could have been easier if not for the misplaced trust that I have given to a lot of people. Life could have been different, and I could have been more happy... but who am I to define "happiness" alone?
When I was at around 16 years old... the question of what "happiness" is hounds me everyday. Buying what I want, eating what I like, all brings forth only "short-term" happiness. I was determined to find the answer to a universal happiness that lasts. The feeling of euphoria. Researching didn't help. No book nor scripture was able to provide me an answer to that question. I came to a conclusion finally after months of intensive soul searching that "happiness", for me, could be that when other people becomes happy because I existed. I tried to touch other people's lives, tried to make a difference, only to be burdened myself. And find myself inside an abyss... alone. I tried to sacrifice what little is left of me to be able to satisfy the needs of others. Because I believed that their happiness is what matters most. That I would be able to achieve the happiness that I am looking for... happiness that is going to last my lifetime... I failed to look at myself, and slowly, found that I may be in an irreparable state. Now, I am trying to fix myself. It is impossible to undo the past. The only feasible thing to do is to have focus on the essentials before I fall down to the pit of no return...
I have no one else to thank but my friends who has ever been so supportive. I shall not fail you.
Going back to Bicol, it's inspiring beauty is unparalleled. I want to go to the mountains again, and feel the wind breeze through my inner most emotion. I want to feel close to the planets to feel the heavenly beauties. I want to see the stars that are almost unseen in this pollution crazed metropolis. I wanna go somewhere where I can enjoy the loving presence of Mk and friends.... To be away from the consumerized city is what I want to do at the moment. Lie down at the beach enjoy the sunset while watching people play around like there's no tomorrow. For in fact, who are we to know that tomorrow shall still exist?
In dedication to everybody I know... who at one time or another been part of my life... and to the countless others who carries everyday the burden of living...
Ever After (Bonnie Bailey)
Three years ago my journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet i fell hard for your imperfections
And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together eye to eye through the storm yet
I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you
Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love and not the
perfect kind A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine
Emotions volcanic eruptions
We both still care so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you I want to make it right
You are my twisted sunshine
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