"What's it all about..."
Dearest R.:Yesterday afternoon I walked to Wendys, to eat a lunch of "pasta arabbiatta", which is pasta covered with a mildly spicy tomato sauce, savory herbs and small chunks of lightly braised chicken. For some reason, you were on my mind as I sat down to eat, mockingly stared at by the ever-present high school boys in unattractive school uniforms, who have a habit of insolently casting scornful look on all foreigners, all elderly people, all small children and anyone else to whom they feel superior.
What was stirring thoughts of you in my relaxed consciousness was the sharp change in seasons which we are experiencing here in Manila. Suddenly, as if on command from Heaven itself, the graceful trees around have leafed out in shades of lightest green...and the gnarled old cherry trees are once again opening with frilly pink cherry blossoms in what promises to be a stunningly gaudy display of color within the next few days. The battered shells of the pond turtles have once again appeared after their long hibernation deep in the oozing mud at the bottom of the moat. Summer!!!!!...in all of it's exuberant glory has returned and brings with it the hope of better things yet to come for all of us...including YOU!!!!!
So, with thoughts like this swirling and mixing in dance-like patterns in my mind, I started to eat my simple lunch, trying to imagine what you must be thinking about as the seasons change in your part. Then, almost imperceptibly, I noticed a song in the background music playing in the restaurant, as trains thundered overhead. I didn't recognize the voice of the female songstress, but the song itself was a classic from long ago (1962) which I've occasionally heard on "oldies" radio stations. Listening to the words electrified me, as their meaning hit my heart with pinpoint accuracy... BULLSEYE!!!!!! Their sentiment was so clear, so unmistakable, so unexpectedly apropos to my mood, that I started to have quiet tears form in my eyes. Why did I cry, with a smile on??? Because of the sheer beauty of the thoughts, which I so wanted to share with YOU!!!
So, this early morning, when I got back, I searched the Internet to try and find the words to this classic song for you, and to my delight, I have them. My cold is finally abating, despite long, long work hours, so I feel more "chipper", with a powerful desire to send off something of real value to you to express my deep appreciation for the fragile electronic connection which we have established between you and your home. I really hope that these words will have some shade of meaning to you, as they did when I happened to hear them yesterday afternoon...
"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, ALFIE? "
By Burt Bacharach and Hal David
"What's it all about, Alfie?
Is it just for the moment we live"
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give,
Or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Alfie,
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie,
What will you lend on an old 'Golden Rule'?
As sure as I believe there's a Heaven above, Alfie,
I know there's something more,
Something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find true love you've missed,
You're nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way,
And you'll find love any day, Alfie...Alfie...Alfie"
These past few nights of unremitting work, long hours and excessive demands leave me mentally tired but yet quietly happy for the tenuous connection that I have with you. My talents are so meager, my accomplishments in life are so sparse, my value to the world is so scant. Yet deep within me I feel as though there must be some authentic value in sincere sentiments, clearly expressed, even if the world around us rushes headlong towards greater and greater superficiality and ever more grotesque forms of unabashed materialism.
Sometimes I feel like a wayward misfit in the modern world, especially the x world, because I care nothing for shopping for trinkets, buying luxuries or seeking hedonistic pleasures. My tastes seem out of kilter (= ill-matched) with the prevailing vogue for "cute", "m", "hs", "rich" people. Of course these are all very attractive things to see...but they tell me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL about the person inside of the body and face and big bank account. Strange, but to this day I've rarely known a truly HAPPY or CONTENTED "cute", "m", "hs" or "rich" person...they inevitably seem frustrated by the inner emptiness of their privileged lives. And as I've written before, I've never once heard of a couple "breaking up" because of the "looks", "attractiveness" or "wealth" of one of the partners. It ALWAYS seems to happen as a result of character deficiencies and personality conflicts.
Yet, despite all of this, the world, including the x world, rushes onward towards those who are outwardly "cute", "h", "ms" or "rich" in the ultimately vain hope that they might also be the "best" partners or companions. What is wrong with my thinking??? Why am I so 'out of tune' with the values of those around me??? Why am I so insistent and determined that a sincere, playful, intelligent, honest, kind, generous inner character in a guy is worth 10,000 times more than all of the cute or handsome faces, muscular bodies and enormous bank accounts in the world???
Probably because in my life I LISTEN to people...lots and lots of people. And over and over again the aged, the middle-aged, those far wiser and far more experienced in the ways of the world than I could ever hope to be, tell me that outer appearances ultimately are no more than a canard, meaning nothing. That true friendship and love spring forth only from the deepest inner qualities of warmth, compassion, courtesy, humor, patience and mutual self-respect. So I'm satisfied to continue my life in my own quiet, unobtrusive way, appreciating the good in those around me and hoping for better days to come for you, for me, and for us.
They are kind of crazy, aren't they??? But, for variety's sake I've sent them on to you. So often I wish that I could somehow give to you a suitable gift to express my satisfaction and appreciation for your love, but for now all that I can offer to you are my words and my fervent hopes for your continued happiness.
With Smiling Best Regards, Yours,
pat
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