Price for a Smile

All that I’ve been doing lately is mope. I don't know why I get this way every single year. I call it my birthday blues. Usually the moping period starts around the New Year's Eve and continues to get progressively worse as the birthday arrives nearer. Once I safely cross the Valentine’s Day hysteria, I usually revert to my cheerful self once again.

It has been better in each passing year though. Comparatively. It's not that I am depressed about getting older, and not getting any wiser in the process. I have hardly realized how the years flew by. In my heart I still feel the same. Confused, weary and more confused. Right now I am in a strange mood. I am depressed, slightly dazed and suddenly very drained. For in my life I cannot figure, why I feel this way. I know the futility of moping. I know all there is to know about the importance of keeping my focus on the positive aspects of life. For some reason I cannot help myself. I smile, but it's just a facade. *sigh I have lost my real smile.

I thought this would be the perfect occasion to post my poem. I wrote this after a particularly bad bout of depression. I thought I had left those days behind forever. I hope this is a temporary phase. I am kind of tired of moping. I am sure you all are tired of my moping and ranting. If not, this should do the needful. ;-)

THE PRICE FOR A SMILE

For every smile that’s
touched my lips,
my eyes have cried
a thousand tears.
For a moment of peace
that’s comforted my soul,
my heart has braved
my countless fears.
For a single noon of
dreamless sleep,
I've lost many nights
to nameless terrors.
For one shaky step
in the right direction,
my feet have traveled,
through a maze of errors.
For a smidgen of hope
that clings to me in vain,
I've died a thousand deaths
I've crossed a sea of pain.