love, waiting?
Whew.. finally, I'm back to work again. This time, I'll be working 8pm - 5am. I'll be online in the YM all that time. Tonight, my team saw me after a long 5 day leave of absence. They were happy to see me back and I miss them badly. Now, I have to really work hard since there'll be no excuses... I had my time for recharging myself... :) My job requires me to be not only responsible for my team.. but I feel that I am somewhat responsible for their families too. Most of those people I'm handling right now has families at home, and this job is their bread and butter. I have to help them succeed in whatever endeavor they choose. And being younger than most of them, makes it a challenge for me. My personal goal is to have them reach their potentials and bring out the best in them! At work, there is just no room for failure (though my personal life has been through the worst). They have always believed in me... and I won't let my people down.
Prior to work, I had a date this morning with someone I'm beginning to like.. and beginning to fall for. The person was kind and sweeet.. makes you feel loved.. though sometimes unappreciative (I guess). Well, we'll see what happens.... I have been dating much for the past few months, but haven't fallen for someone yet, since "r" and I broke up. Hope this will be different. My friends always tell me that I have my way of making someone feel special. I hope this perosn feels that way...
Can't seem to write. I'll try to write a letter later when I get home. I'm already sleepy... :o
Love Profile
Taurus
Your positive traits:
You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.
You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.
Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.
Your negative traits:
Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.
If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...
You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.
Your ideal partner:
Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.
Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.
A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.
Your dating style:
Comfortable and traditional.
You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.
Your seduction style:
Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.
Traditional:
you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.
Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.
Tips for the future:
Be willing to change your mind.
Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.
Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.
Ligthen up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.
-
blogthings
Day Two Bacolod City; On Love
The city of smiles never fails to amuse me... I have been with one of the hospitable people in a serene environment. I'm back from Bacolod now ending two days of vacation. Time to leave the fantasy world and face reality again. I'll be back there few weeks from now though. I attended a wedding there in Bacolod. Here's how it went...
We arrived at the cathedral at 3:15 P.M. The mass started at four o'clock as scheduled.
I observed my cousin had been crying -- with tears of joy, of course. Few minutes from now he and his girlfriend will take vows to be together until death.
Just like how every wedding mass should end, the priest shall say "you may now kiss the bride." After doing their vows, the newly wed partners kissed each other. Let me start the description of the food reception with great foods. The resort where the reception was held was okay. I don't know what to call those foods but I knew how to eat it all. I only recognized the "lechon" and the salad. They offered a wine for the toast for the newly weds.
They showed a video of how the newly weds knew each other. Interestingly, they were lovers since highschool. Separated by college life, they had the chance of being together again after graduation. After all the happiness and heartbreaks they had, they are here now treating us as they enjoy the promise of taking care of each other for the rest of their lives.
And back we went from the resort as I finish off my final thoughts for the day.
It's official. I'm seeking someone and so far, Nemo seems easier to find. Someone once told me, there's so many people.. so little time. Was it his fart talking? Was he even talking to me? If that is true... where are they? Are they in a completely different planet? Are they obsolete? I'm definitely sure of one thing though... They're obviously not going straight. Or are they?
In a world so big as this, how do you find "the one"? Another person told me to just don't go looking, not to worry and your prince will come along... seriously i'm still hoping.. :(
"I know it's a cornball thing but LOVE is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't live."
--Anthony Hopkins
Live from the city of smiles
I'm here in Bacolod right now. My flight this morning was delayed. I was supposed to leave at 10am but unfortunately, due to some "turbulence", my flight left at 11am instead.
Upon arrival, my cousin fetch me from the airport. It was nice to be home again. Haven't been to this place for the longest time. Yet, I feel as if nothing much have changed. My relatives here are just getting bigger and bigger. hehe... I like life here very much. Aside from serenity, people here value honor above anything else. Wonder how it feels to be living in the province again.
We had lunch at my aunt's place.. lots of good food! All the crabs, and the chicken (Bacolod Chicken!!!), and the fishes.. I finished a lot for lunch. After the sumptous meal, I went to meet my dentist. That was partly why I was here. Oh well, it was one of the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Putting the drill to my teeth.. whew... I was afraid of hurt.. but I had to have my tooth undergo root canal.. and another dental appointment tomorrow. Had to come back since it was not yet finish.
Same thing with love I guess.. no matter how much we know how it will hurt, we still love, for we believe that the rewards are far greater than the risks.
Ok... so i just had dinner and I'm here alone at the guest room of my aunt's place typing my final thoughts on my laptop before I end my day..
My cousin all wanted me to extend. Told them I moved my flight early to the first flight this tuesday. They said today's my acquaintance party, and tomorrow will be my farewell party then. hehe... Hopefully, I get to extend my vacation time when I don't feel stressed out. I'm so excited to go back to Manila. I'll be meeting someone on Tuesday night. ;)
"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill..."
off to the province..
i just got home. I created a live journal account. Don't know how to customize it yet. I'll be off to bacolod later 7am... haven't been to the province in 3 years. The last time I was there was when I attended my cousin's wedding.. Well, after some convincing, i'll be having a checkup with my dentist there, and attend my grandmother's 18th death anniversary. Also, I'll be doing some soul searching and, who knows, someone there might be waiting for me. =)
birthday party
I come to realize that I am a hopeless person incapable of loving.
I just came back from r's birthday party. I fetched all of her friends from san juan to katipunan and went to her house in marikina to have dinner. Then we proceeded to Bagaberde where she seem to not even wanna talk to me... I guess that's the end now... At least I'm still sober after what I have drunk.
How many beers do we need to consume before that special someone comes into our lives... perhaps there is no someone.. or could it be that there is no one special.
For me, r has been declared as PERSONA NON GRATA in my book.
G: How could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me? Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see...
Background music:
Thank You by Jamelia
"For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Haunted by Loneliness...
"How do you heal a broken heart that feels like it will never love this much again?"
-Walker Cris
Today, I got to sign my new contract at my job. I got confirmed as Team Lead at work. I love my team very much. They truly are an inspiration, and has been encouraging me to do the best I can everyday of the week. Everybody got regularized, and I'm happy for them!! As for my contract, I believe I should be worth more than what I signed for! I have received offers of higher value in the past! But how does one measure worth??
The past few hours are depressing. Got a lot of good and bad news. I went to watch a tagalog movie with myself in centerpoint. My boss just got promoted. I'll be having a new boss in the next few weeks. I'm feel so fulfilled with my boss having gotten the position! He truly deserves it... he's a leader par excellence!
Wandering along, I continued to sing love songs. It's so easy to remember yet so hard to forget. R is coming back to Manila tomorrow, and will celebrate her birthday on Saturday.. Will I be invited or not? Should I swallow my pride and go.. or should I choose to remember the hurt that she inflicted in my heart? hmm.. Should I fetch him at the airport after all that has happened? Or should I just choose to exist with her in the spirit of harmony and friendship?
Oh well.. Heard the song "
I wanna run to you"... I liked the line:
"Each day I play the role, of someone, always in control, but at nights, I come home and turn the keys, there's nobody there. no one cares for me... What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams, without someone to share it with. Tell me what does it mean."
People have been asking me if I wanna apply for a higher position. Apart from being unqualified, I feel that I still don't want to since I don't want to handle additional responsibilities. How can I take care of many others when I couldn't even take care of my personal life. Well.. need to take a leave and do some soul searching. Truly, I was born to be unlucky in love... and today, I am haunted by loneliness...
"How could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me? Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see.."
some thoughts...
We had "isaw" in U.P. with my team a while ago. It was fun having great food in a prestigious university. What made it more fun was the students that flock around the stall to have those food. Also, I met the school mate of my "ex" there. Didn't imagine her going there for 'isaw' too. As we were walking along, saw some high school students wearing the Ateneo id.. I remembered "r" again... :(
I want to study again. I want to be a student. I want to enjoy life again. I want the carefreeness of a student life...
Yet, not all the things we want are really for us. Had dinner with mom right after. She wants me to leave for China/Japan to work and study again saying that I'm not worth my salary here in the company I'm working for. Oh well, life has it's share of surprising moments.
...work...
Lately, I have been busy with work, my other work. I have embraced being an advertiser that I predict it will contribute another 30% to my income on a month to month basis. Well, I hope it works well. :) Also, I recently talked to my best friend who is still trying to convince me to go back to being a day trader. He has been persuading me for the past few months to put my interest back to stock trading. After some thought, I wonder.. "why not?" We'll see what happens as we progress towards the next few weeks.
Pessimist?
Having a comeback to write on a blog is not easy. Especially, if you're stuck on times you choose not to be in.
I admit, there are more things that can make me happy. How many? Numbers could overwhelm those bad moments that make me sad. But unfortunately for me, it was never a numbers game. There are just these things that were few but I value much. But the picture is, they're on a down turn.
I'm down. Because of the things that are few, or should I see it as just one, but I value much.
Either/Or
There is a tremendous danger in which we find ourselves by being human, a danger that consists in the fact that we are placed between two tremendous powers. The choice is left to us. We must either love or hate, and not to love is to hate. So hostile are these two powers that the slightest inclination towards the one side becomes absolute opposition to the other. Let us not forget this tremendous danger in which we exist. To forget is to have made your choice.
-Søren Kierkegaard
love or economics
Recently, I've thought how love has eaten all my attention and my productivity. So, one of my resolutions is to stop thinking about love, and think more about economics. Love is a fantasy that can be better sustained with economics in this crazy materialist world we are living in right now. The opportunities that came to my life were all met with shut doors because of my previous relationships. They have been too self centered to even know that I existed.. I'll try to write it out on my next post.
I had a coffee once with a friend who's working in my favorite bank. Offered my twice what I was making. Yet, I declined and told him that it's not enough to buy my loyalty.. well.. loyalty doesn't have a price does it. ;)
Almost recently, I have been planning to call up my former Korean and Japanese schoolmates to see how they have been so far. One of my Korean bestfriend is now working for the Korean government, and has met the love of his life. (He's a former playboy btw =).
Yesterday, I got an email from a Hong Kong company offering me a job. My pride declined it as well.. but I may be off to China one day where I can start a whole new life again. And maybe, a new place will give me the chance to forget all of the mental torments and emotional torture that I have gone through for the past few weeks.
Having no relationship just mean that I can enjoy life more.. the arts, the expensive beers, the places I have longed to see... maybe for the meantime, I'll just enjoy those stuff alone.
