Consistency
Here is a dedication. A journal I've wanted to post since who knows when but was consistently adding to it. It had always been in my drafts for the longest time, thinking about what to add, knowing that the limits of words would not be enough to convey my sincerest gratitude to the friendship that we had, and to the journey that we experienced.
I once had someone I knew...
A friend I truly cherish and confide on. Someone I truly treasure in life told me about consistency. What does it mean? Anyway, for purpose of identification, my trusted friend sent me a quote few weeks ago: "Love is an accident waiting to happen. If you believe in love at first sight, you'll never stop looking." (from the movie Closer). I want you to know how I love to hear that quote coming from you...
I wanted you to know that listened to your advice. I let go of agony. I let go of those who brought me down further.
I have always believed that life is a voyage with no destination. We never know what life has in store for us.... Like every adventure, it has always been my belief that the journey is much important than the destination and I have been enjoying the silent travel I am having with you. No words or action, but just the plain feeling that you'll be there when the time comes that I would be needing someone.
Well, I was afraid you'd left... I don't want you to go.. I want you to stay.... And my sincerest apologies for hurting your feelings before. Knowing you is a blessing. I owe you a lot... and as we grow older, knowing that someone has been there, and witness each other as we go through the travails of life is enough for me to hold on to the good memories that we had. I know you DESERVE no more than the best in life! Funny how one person could alter the course of our lives... it is a privilege to know you, and an honor to have you as one of the few true FRIENDS that I have!
Anyway, here is my song for you...
If - Frank Sinatra
"If a picture paints a thousand words
then why can't I paint you.
The words could never show
The YOU I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for me is running dry
you come and pour yourself to me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today,
beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving
spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
and you and I would simply
Fly away...."
Uncomfortably Numb... Fairweather Blues...
I just came back from a Olongapo - Subic in what I could say as my first out of town "vacation" since the accident I encountered in Dinalupihan three months ago. Oh, I passed by the place where I was hit by an 18-wheeler truck. I got to think why death spared me that night.
Looking at the place, I got to reminisce on the scene that rainy night where everybody was rushing to go back home, and we were there at the middle of the road causing a lot of delays due in our small highway. People gathered immediately after the accident and told us stories of how three nuns died few days ago at the same exact spot where we were hit by the truck. Also, some tell a story of how their loved ones died at that spot too... it seems there a lot of nameless people dying in that place everyday. Crazy how people are aware of how the section of the National Highway there was poorly constructed, and yet, nobody is doing anything about it... Shall we wait until our loved ones get hit before we do some action? Is there no budget? We see construction and drilling of roads that are still in healthy condition in Manila everyday, how come we can't do construction in a small section of the highway where it evidently deteriorated with age. Is the budget more important than life itself? Or is it because those lives that are killed are just nameless people? Funny how those in the high offices who are supposed to serve us serves their own self interest above the public.
Talking about government.. the mere fact that they promote ocw's is a manifestation of how they value money more than relationships. I'm honestly against sending our talents to various countries to be "slaves". Instead of focusing how to get more people go abroad to send more dollars for our country, why not focus on creating more jobs internally, develop tourism as an alterantive to promoting working abroad since our country needs those $$$? The more people going out of this country, the worse our society will become.
Enough of our government... =) going back to Subic...Well, it was just a quasi vacation. I was there for some work... some hard action. I was looking for money but it seems I spent more than what I have found but the trip was fascinating. I stayed at my favorite place.. Legenda Suites, where I just noticed (after staying there for almost 10 times) that all their rooms are elegantly similar. I love the place due to the fact that it's far away from the commercial area. It's an isolated place where you could enjoy solitude (in the company of bats and monkeys:), and relax at the mountain breeze and quiet air before going to bed.
The day went by so fast that I didn't even notice that it's already today. I'm exhausted from the drive. The North Expressway was fascinating. I got to San Fernando exit from Manila in 30 minutes from the usual 1 hour drive before. It comes for a price though.
Here are some of the pics I took... I'm not anywhere in those pictures ok? :)
Is she something to be feared?
Sweetness in action
What are you looking at?
I'll post the other pics on the other site so as not to jam the page so much and so as not to appear that I'm promoting the animal kingdom so much... =)
Price for a Smile
All that I’ve been doing lately is mope. I don't know why I get this way every single year. I call it my birthday blues. Usually the moping period starts around the New Year's Eve and continues to get progressively worse as the birthday arrives nearer. Once I safely cross the Valentine’s Day hysteria, I usually revert to my cheerful self once again.
It has been better in each passing year though. Comparatively. It's not that I am depressed about getting older, and not getting any wiser in the process. I have hardly realized how the years flew by. In my heart I still feel the same. Confused, weary and more confused. Right now I am in a strange mood. I am depressed, slightly dazed and suddenly very drained. For in my life I cannot figure, why I feel this way. I know the futility of moping. I know all there is to know about the importance of keeping my focus on the positive aspects of life. For some reason I cannot help myself. I smile, but it's just a facade. *sigh I have lost my real smile.
I thought this would be the perfect occasion to post my poem. I wrote this after a particularly bad bout of depression. I thought I had left those days behind forever. I hope this is a temporary phase. I am kind of tired of moping. I am sure you all are tired of my moping and ranting. If not, this should do the needful. ;-)
THE PRICE FOR A SMILE
For every smile that’s
touched my lips,
my eyes have cried
a thousand tears.
For a moment of peace
that’s comforted my soul,
my heart has braved
my countless fears.
For a single noon of
dreamless sleep,
I've lost many nights
to nameless terrors.
For one shaky step
in the right direction,
my feet have traveled,
through a maze of errors.
For a smidgen of hope
that clings to me in vain,
I've died a thousand deaths
I've crossed a sea of pain.
