Same Ground
I met my ex Chr (Desolate post). I was around Makati with some friends when suddenly, she sent me an sms message asking me to pick her up in Bulacan. She was crying. Apparently, there was a fight between her family members and she wanted to leave the place. Devoid of any financial means due to recently resigning from her work at teletech, she decided to seek my assistance. I picked her up. We had dinner. We had coffee. And we had an amazing conversation that I've never had with an ex-lover for the past few months.
Sometimes, I feel what a silly thing love is. Not half as useful as logic, for it doesn't prove anything, always telling one of things that aren't going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true. Love dries us crazy and in mnay cases, we would eventually realize that we have been loving the wrong person or for the wrong reasons but I guess that is what makes loving more real. Being in pain makes us feel that we are loving more. That could be the reason why people choose to go to complicated relationships unconsciously. For it is with terrible pain that we feel more alive and loving more.
I am scared of love. I am scared of life. But I guess that is what makes us human. That is what makes us vulnerable.
Same Ground
(Kitchie Nadal)
My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would’ve
Wanted if until there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more i have to let you go.
But now i don’t understand why im feeling
So bad now when i know it was my idea.
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied.
But why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?
My love because i have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I never have to if all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave to see right through me?
semper fidelis
"What is easy is seldom Excellent..." - Johnson
This year, my Christmas eve was different. Instead of the merry jingles, I went on a journey to fulfill my last wishes to a person. Along with a pen to brighten her future, a cup to fill her emotions, a box that says all the wishes I have for her, and a card that has only the words "semper fidelis". It wasn't easy seeing her again, but I believe it was the best thing to do.
I said my goodbyes to Xtn again.... I did so with great contentment that our separate lives would be beneficial for everyone. I am proud to say that I have finally moved on. Unlike the previous meeting that was full of tears and drama, this one is completely different. No false pretenses, no false hopes. It would be good for Xtn to focus on the present with what she got, while I can continue to live my life as if she merely passed me by. I told her that I am ready to open my heart again... and make others feel the warmth and the love the way I know how love is. Finally, I feel very much relieved. Very much relieved that I shall never cease to believe again in love, and shall always remain faithful.
A glass half empty, is a glass half full
A toast to a love that is lost, and to a start of a wonderful beginning...
Merry christmas!
The Great Depression
Around four weeks ago, on a sunday night, I met the most interesting person that I wanted to be with until now. That person dated me and revived the flame of love that was long lost and dead. This person showed me love, but we never became a reality.
After two sundays, my so called best friend stoled this person's heart, along with it, my sanity. My best friend whom I trusted, who just came from a break up, suddenly found it easy to have a rebound relationship with Xtn. Now, I lost a friend and a lover. Both of whom meant so much to me that it took away my drive and my focus on the things that matter to me.
Rusty said it well when he said that the two won't last long because they never had a relationship that is based on a solid foundation. The fact is that they knew all along that once you are able to do that to others, what is stopping them from doing it to each other?
I met both of them last night. I tried to win Xtn's heart back, well, at least that is what happened. Even after making a fool of myself.... at least all i could say is I've done my part to try to save what little is left. My ex bestfriend who I am disowning as a result of the cruelty that person did to me, was so arrogantly staring at me as if nothing wrong was ever done. I guess, I feel quite relieved after doing that. At least I know that I can safely move on and put the past where it should be. I believe I've done the right thing to just stop, for they are unworthy of me and my time.
Does love has to be this complicated? Love is best cherished in it's simplest form.... full of purity and passion. Love is best expressed with the universal language of action. No words can ever take the place of the true essence of love.
If love really is true, why then do people put their own self interest before what they can see is the best for that person? I sometimes don't see the logic of equating fighting for love for one's self interest and love that is for the interest of what is right. I guess in this world we live in, nothing is definite. Not even truth. Everything is always subjective. There is nothing absolute in this world.
If only they were wiser.... but people always fail to see the future and only focuses on the present.
The bright side of it all... at least I got to know the people who are true to me and are there for me in bad times! It was an instant Christmas loyalty check!
Here are some of our pictures when we climbed Mt. Makiling. Some of the few treasured memories that I'll choose to remain as such.
